1. HUGE TOOLS (EVERY SINGLE PERSON INVOLVED)
“Liquid Death” doesn’t exactly portray
Thirst quenching mountain spring water
Take my advice and call it quits now
Before you keep losing more money!
Not sure if I’d want to drink that.
Doesn’t really say “safe” or “healthy” to me.
Every single person involved in this brand
Has to be a huge tool.
2. RECONSIDER YOUR LIFE CHOICES
One of the dumbest things I’ve ever fucking seen.
Your company is one and done.
You should seriously reconsider your life choices
If you actually buy this crap
Please go out of business quickly.
3. FIRE YOUR MARKETING GUY
Quality woman repellent.
Bankrupt in no time.
Fire the guy who came up with this pitch,
And everyone who signed off on it.
That name makes me not wanna drink your water.
Uh, fire your marketing guy.
4. DUMBEST NAME EVER FOR WATER
I’m a person on the internet
And I thought your ad campaign fucking sucked.
And you sell water. Water.
Dumbest name ever for water.
5. GET SLAUGHTERED ON SHARK TANK
So you were expecting us to ingest
Something that’s labeled “Liquid Death”
I wish these owners would go on Shark Tank
Just so I can see them get slaughtered
For naming their water “Liquid Death”
6. THIS WATER COULDN´T BE LESS APPEALING
I’m not sure there’s any way possible
To make water seem less appealing
Decomposing head on can
Water is not actually visible.
In public or at work???
Looks like you’re drinking
Corner-store malt liquor.
7. SELLING YOUR SOUL IS DEPLORABLE
A bit over the top
The fact that you have an option
To “sell your soul” is deplorable
Try a new sales pitch
That isn’t for satan worshippers
8. GO OUT OF BUSINESS
It will be exciting
To hear how quickly
This asinine company
Goes out of business
Cannot wait for you
To go out of business
9. THIS CRAP IS PURE EVIL
This is a disgrace
Your soul is worth a whole lot more
Than a case of water
My soul belongs to my heavenly father
Who gave it to me to use
Until he needs it back with him again
This crap is pure evil in the works
10. BAD MARKETING
Why would I buy something
That leads me to believe
I am going to die from drinking it?
This probably the dumbest product
I have ever seen.